I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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