I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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