Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Terrible idea I love it
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
