Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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