But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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