Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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