im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My ass is underappreciated
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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