Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
