Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
high people should be assigned attendants
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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