Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
