I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
ttyl tear gas
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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