Me too!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
