what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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