i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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