dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
