either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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