how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
