If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
