Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
