Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
