we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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