We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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