I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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