Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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