Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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