Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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