Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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