The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
