I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
