you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
