I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
where does the pee come out of this thing
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
