I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
