she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
