my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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