I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
