let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
