Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
