so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
