Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
