yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
