i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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