Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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