I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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