4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize