and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
