oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
