I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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