I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
