I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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