As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Found the puke drawer
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
