I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
