At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
