all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
