I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
