im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
