Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
