Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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