Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
