rhymes with "ouble enetration"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
ttyl tear gas
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
