he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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