are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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