halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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