I just pynch a tree in the face
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
