i think my tv is drunk
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
