Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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