how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
