my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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