With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
