we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just high enough for therapy.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
