A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
