He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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