And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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