I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
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