The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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