my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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