apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
