you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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