But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
