I think i sorta joined a cult last night
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
