i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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