So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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