i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
