my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
