I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
