Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
