Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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