So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize