I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
