I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
