At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
you made out with another girl for some wings
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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