woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
COCAINE IS GR8
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