and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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