A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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