nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it glows. i had to have it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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