I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
