Me too!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
