you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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