I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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