So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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