I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
