I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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