I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
