I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize