making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
