Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
