Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm gonna have a badass scar
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
