I love black thongs
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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